The Drill Down: Part 3 of 5

In the third drill down of the theory we will be exploring how modern vector commanders operate and what challenges they face.

"No longer did you have to directly exert time and energy over your labor pool to modify their behavior. By simply adjusting the time property of currency and then, later, the perception of the time property over the perception of currency, labor vectors would respond accordingly. (Albeit, at first, unpredictably) For example, if you failed to mint enough coin to represent the trading capacity of your society, the labor potential of your society greatly suffers since they have a drastically reduced ability to store future value/surplus resources, thus, destroying the ability to optimize resource output via incentive. The only way around this is to ensure that surplus resources never exist in the first place by enforcing mass consumption. At best, this solution only buys times (which usually lasts a standard human generation) until a massive market correction. This, inevitably, leads to war, in which the scales are rebalanced and another nation-state emerges to try their luck at the shell game. We are collectively stuck in this holding pattern because it is, to date, the most efficient means to leverage influence over modifying massive human behavior. Nothing even comes close. However, that paradigm is changing due to technological mastery."

I'm sure that after about maybe three sentences, your neurons gave the fuck up.

Meanwhile, some frothing reactionary
in the 11th grade is preparing a
comment about how capitalist
corn must be abolished.

Let's say I'm growing corn and I charge $10 per pound.  But all these cheapskate buyers are only buying corn for $8 a pound.  Well, I'm not selling shit and people are gonna starve.  I got three tricks I can use.  The first is to beat the liquids out of my labor vectors until they crank out more goods in less time, allowing me to charge $8 per pound and still make it worth my while.  This is the default activity of poor vector commanders.  These organizations fail quickly and require a hearty supply of new labor vectors to keep the system going.  Stupid people do this.  You do this.  You're stupid.

Or...

I could pray to the wind, water, girth, and cunt gods to yield a grand harvest of corn that will allow me to sell so much corn that it doesn't matter if I lose $2 a pound.  This is what stupid people do and, yes, you're still stupid.

Or...

I could use my brain.  (You can't)  I can walk up to a corn producer and tell him that there is no guarantee that he will produce enough corn to make ends meet.  Him, being a fearful, yet reasonable, will agree.  I then tell him that I can assist him with this problem by buying exclusive access to his future production capabilities.  Meaning, every bit of corn he makes later on, I would be guaranteed to buy it off him.  He then feels safe and I have a bunch of expensive ass-corn that I can't do anything with.  Most importantly, the producer gets a sense of stability.

Now, if I studied my agriculture, astrology, and market history, I would have known that the conditions of the coming year will be very good and will yield a tremendous harvest.  Once the harvests start getting out of control and money is to be made, other people will want in on the action and start demanding access to corn producers as well.

You reading this post.

Ahhh!  As it turns out, I already have exclusive access to the corn producer and I have a wide variety of people willing to pay top dollar for that access.  I sell access to the corn to the highest bidder, and I walk away loaded as fuck, laughing at you and that wildebeest you call a wife.

The only thing I needed to make this happen was a business plan.  I simply promised to buy stuff from a person in the future because I knew people would demand access to him later on.  When the prediction was true, I sold off that access to him to someone else for big money.  The producer still gets his money and is happy.  I walk away loaded.

Of course, the key here is knowing damn well that a specific outcome is going to occur, otherwise, it's just a bold-faced blusterous gamble.  However, by doing this, I bypass the price gap between the producer charging $10 a pound and the consumer charging $8 a pound.

This exchange is the foundation of --everything--.

By manipulating the perception of value, I manipulate labor vector activity.  As my manipulations get more accurate and accumulate greater wealth, the more labor vector are bound to my schemes.  They eventually become dependent on my manipulation because it obfuscates the price gap between producers and consumers, tricking both to engaging with one another and, thus, help everyone else out by providing access to their resources.  We call this market liquidity and its presence can be measured in what is known as the business cycle.

The father of all  modern
vector commanders.

However, participation between producer and consumer does not have to be balanced.  In fact, a lopsided relationship is ideal for a vector commander.  Consumers can be tricked into wanting to acquire a producer's goods very easily.  Furthermore, you do not have to provide additional currency to allow consumers to get access to these goods.  You can trick consumers into signing away their futures to get access to the goods now, and thus, setting the stage to redirect labor vector activities.

Once enough labor vectors have been put into this trap, the vector commander pulls the plug and starts demanding that labor vectors pay off the debts they've accumulated.  Unable to do so, the labor vector activity is now bound to the will of the vector commander.  Thus, the vector commander has acquired the right to redirect aggregate creativity into any technological pathway he chooses.

This system has been going on since Sir Isaac Newton first established the gold standard.  However, we are rapidly approaching a phase of reality where the results of this game will yield a technology that can disrupt what makes labor vectors essential for this game to operate.  At some point in the near future, the positive attributes of labor vectors (creativity, discipline, ingenuity... the complete opposite of you) will be acquired without the negative attributes. (entitlement, violence, vices... basically, you in a nut shell)

The Drill Down: Part 2 of 5

In the second drill down of the theory, we will be going over the second paragraph.  In the previous drill down, we went over the concept of labor vectors and how they contribute to the gradual increase of their coordination through vector commanders.  In this drill down, we will talk about how all those labor vectors coalesce as an emergent property called "the market":

"A wide variety of tools have been deployed to modify the behaviors of massive numbers of people. Sticks, stones, chains, whips, clubs, swords, and other primitive weapons were some of the earliest. However, in between bursts of social violence were periods of stability. This stability allowed labor potential to acquire additional resources other than the standard fare to maintain the current structure of behavior modification. Eventually, labor potential translated to future value with the advent of surplus resources. The desire to represent this surplus value lead to the creation of currency. This put down the foundation of a super structure that fluctuates in accordance to labor potential. Today, we call that super structure "the market"."

Table 1: This is how vector commanders
view your life

When a human is born, they only have what their parents give them.  For most of us, our parents give us a name, bad manners, health defects, and goofy tufts of flesh that barely qualify as genitalia to produce even more inferior spawn.  They also put us on a timeline that will ultimately kill you.  As you journey through this timeline, you gather information about your surroundings and you learn to interact with it.  Some of you may even get to influence other people's timelines and help them out.  (Most of you won't.  You'll just end up pissing everyone off.)  What you call a "journey", vector commanders see as a "shelf life".  (Table 1, left)

Table 1 is an example of the properties of a standard labor vector in a pre-agrarian society.  As humans age, they become progressively more difficult to train.  They also fail to be worthwhile as their labor potential dies off dramatically.  None the less, these poor sods played their roles over 5,000 very messy years and happened across a few technologies, some social organizational models, and eventually, access to resources via the market improved.  By doing so, labor vector properties improved as well.  Today, these two values look like Table 2.  (Below, right)

Table 2: You, after 5,000 years of resource gathering
by people like you.

However, even after 5,000 years of technological progress, social coordination, and market optimization, you are still just a gradually deprecating liability, albeit, an extendable one.  Fortunately, we are still in a time period where even the absolutely most disposable of you can generate, in some insignificant capacity, surplus value (through debt) that vector commanders will then take from you so that they can modify the behaviors of even more gradually deprecating liabilities.

However, improving labor potential doesn't always mean application of that labor potential.  As labor potential improves, less labor potential is needed.  So not only are the natural forces of entropy conspiring against you... you are also up against the market that actively finds ways to not need you.

Well, now we are in a catch 22.  Your utility is improved through market optimization, but your utility is automated by market optimization.  This leaves behind a trail of entitled Bohemians, fucking retards, the professionally depressed, the bamboozled, the collateral damage, and other economic detritus whose proneness to behavior modification is now sustained due to their dependency on the market.  In the third drill down, we will explore various models of sustained behavior modification through this dependency.

The Drill Down: Part 1 of 5

This is the first of five drill downs into the theory I will be delving into so that I can provide better detail for you.  We will be focusing on the first paragraph.  I will restate the paragraph and provide links that reinforce specific segments:

"Human beings are programmable vectors of labor. With very little effort, one human can convince many humans to perform labor. This labor provides access to resources. The means of acquiring these resources and the rate in which they are acquired can be optimized by modifying human behavior through force, coercion, distraction, incentive, or negotiation. Throughout the centuries, crude techniques to modify human behavior have been applied to tap into our labor potential. As the resources the labor yields increases in quality and quantity, the ability to modify the behavior of a greater number of humans increases. Additionally, the precision of a modification request and the rapidity of executing that modification also increases."

It's going to take you a few hours to read all of those links.  However, for those of you that are lazy, here's the TL;DR version:  Your behavior is not your own.  It is continuously tinkered with by people far more intelligent than you are.

Just as you (a labor vector) are far more intelligent than a rock ^{[citation needed]}, there are people (vector commanders) far more intelligent than you.

Just as you care little about exerting your will over a rock due to your superior intelligence, these people care even less about exerting their will over you.

Vector commanders study human behavior with the specific intention of manipulating it.  As they manipulate you to get them what they want, they get better at manipulating more of you.  This will inevitably cascade into a scenario where they can manipulate all labor vectors with minimal effort.

I am still operating off of the assumption that you have read the axioms.  If not, please feel free to comment in the most impulsive way imaginable so that I may fuck your digital existence to death.  I'll give you a head start:


You: OMG CONSPIRACY THEORY
Me: The fact that you even responded to this post with that comment is proof that I've manipulated your behavior to do so.  Therefore, your response invalidates itself.  Take shots of men.


You: But I'm special.
Me: No, you are disposable, replaceable scum.


You: Occum's razor.
Me: Occum's razor doesn't imply scope.  Biology is proof that organizational success can be very convoluted.


You: My ideology protects me from your observations.  As long as I believe in <insert popular figurehead here> then I'm protected!
Me: It's not your ideology.  You didn't make it.  Someone else crafted it for you for their benefit.


You: Are you saying that our leaders are sociopaths that use us like chess pieces?  I can't live in a world like that!  Oh, I'm getting the vapors!
Me: You're too old to teach, so I'm not going to even bother answering this in an enlightening way.  Your neurology is burned out and useless. Go die.


You: I'm not listening, blah blah blah!
Me:

The Plan

While you were busy with a pair of pubic hair pom-poms idolizing dead political figureheads to satisfy your own pathetic emotional shortcomings, I was studying the history of globalization to get some context on how vector commanders operate.  There is an ongoing debate somewhere in academia about what eras did and did not quality as phases of globalism and I am of the belief that this classification is a moot point.  Regardless of the actual phases, the phase itself will have five financially quantifiable properties to define it: Dependencies, tools, force, morality, and weakness.

This is a phase map of globalization between 1855 and 2067 that I have created to assist you in understanding my theory.

You won't be able to read this by clicking on the picture above.
Click on me so that your inferior eyes won't have to strain so hard.

Notice that I break revolutions down by topic.  The most important observation in this chart is that a revolution in statistics always triggers a revolution in finance and science.  Any tool that assists mankind in getting a reproducible understanding of aggregate data gives us a greater predictive capacity when dealing with that aggregate.  As it turns out, trade relations between labor vectors ("the market") and the nature of the Universe itself are two massive and dynamically adapting aggregates.  Only through statistical clarity can these aggregates be observed and tinkered with for specific outcomes.  The biggest statistics revolution of all will be the advent of artificial intelligence.

If the vector commanders are facing a reality where their control grid will either yield tremendous leverage or nuclear hate, then in the interest of preserving their control grid, they must abandon it in its current form to embrace a new one that has reduced volatility.  There is, however, a slight problem with that approach: Over six billion people are currently invested and heavily entrenched in the current control grid.  Can't really Ctrl + Alt + Delete that shit, no matter how urgent the need, and expect things to be nice and smooth.  Labor vectors have weird and totally entitled expectations of consistency and causality.  Even the mightiest execution of Two Minutes Hate/Love would raise a few eyebrows.

We have to think big and act small.  The plan is to convert the current risk-laden neoliberal economic model into the dramatically risk-reduced post-emotion solution without disrupting influence over labor vectors.  It will be no easy task and it will take years to accomplish but once its done, labor vectors can be spun up  and terminated on demand and the steady state becomes one step closer to reality.

The key is to trigger a statistics revolution.

The Theory

In my last post, I eluded to a nihilistic theory of social affairs that involves a myriad of complex relationships that were culminated and analyzed over thirteen years.  I also stated that there is no easy way to summarize this theory while keeping it memetically appealing.  Therefore, I will simply state it outright and then break it all down over the course of the next twenty or so blog entries.

The Post-Emotion Solution

Human beings are programmable vectors of labor.  With very little effort, one human can convince many humans to perform labor.  This labor provides access to resources.  The means of acquiring these resources and the rate in which they are acquired can be optimized by modifying human behavior through force, coercion, distraction, incentive, or negotiation.  Throughout the centuries, crude techniques to modify human behavior have been applied to tap into our labor potential.  As the resources the labor yields increases in quality and quantity, the ability to modify the behavior of a greater number of humans increases.  Additionally, the precision of a modification request and the rapidity of executing that modification also increases. (more details here)

A wide variety of tools have been deployed to modify the behaviors of massive numbers of people.  Sticks, stones, chains, whips, clubs, swords, and other primitive weapons were some of the earliest.  However, in between bursts of social violence were periods of stability.  This stability allowed labor potential to acquire additional resources other than the standard fare to maintain the current structure of behavior modification.  Eventually, labor potential translated to future value with the advent of surplus resources.  The desire to represent this surplus value lead to the creation of currency.  This put down the foundation of a super structure that fluctuates in accordance to labor potential.  Today, we call that super structure "the market". (more details here)

No longer did you have to directly exert time and energy over your labor pool to modify their behavior.  By simply adjusting the time property of currency and then, later, the perception of the time property over the perception of currency, labor vectors would respond accordingly.  (Albeit, at first, unpredictably)  For example, if you failed to mint enough coin to represent the trading capacity of your society, the labor potential of your society greatly suffers since they have a drastically reduced ability to store future value/surplus resources, thus, destroying the ability to optimize resource output via incentive.  The only way around this is to ensure that surplus resources never exist in the first place by enforcing mass consumption.  At best, this solution only buys times (which usually lasts a standard human generation) until a massive market correction.  This, inevitably, leads to war, in which the scales are rebalanced and another nation-state emerges to try their luck at the shell game.  We are collectively stuck in this holding pattern because it is, to date, the most efficient means to leverage influence over modifying massive human behavior.  Nothing even comes close.  However, that paradigm is changing due to technological mastery. (more details here)

With the advent of nuclear weapons, massive market corrections now carried an even greater risk.  If a major player of this game now goes under, his nuclear arsenal becomes hot property at best, a primary export at worst.  Just as brute forces as a means of modifying labor vector performance could no longer compete, manipulating the financial shell game as a means of optimizing your labor vectors has peaked and is waning due to the nuclear risk.  A new technique will have to be implemented.  This technique is what I call the Post-Emotion Solution. (more details here)

Those who command their labor vectors will always strive for greater efficiency in their maintenance and in their performance.  The ideal outcome is modifying the labor vector's behavior on command while completely eliminating risks to systemic stability.  The problem, then, is the very nature of the labor vectors themselves.  Limitations in the labor vectors neurology, most specifically, the mechanisms surrounding unsynchronized emotional narratives, stand in the way of future efficiency.  The emotional narrative of the labor vector is the biggest source of inefficiency for the execution of resource extraction.  Therefore, the elimination of emotion, and then later the synthesis of new emotions, through advanced genetic engineering, is essential for future efficiency and will completely negate the nuclear risk associated with the previous control paradigm.  It is difficult to clamor for war due to economic collapse if you simply do not have the neurological facilities for rage, anger, and aggression. (more details here)

This is my theory.  This is the Post-Emotion Solution.

The Axioms

I only have one talent and that is to quickly learn concepts by integrating them into my self-narrative.  During my journeys, I have accumulated a vast data set on a wide variety of topics.  The key to preserving this information is not to remember the actual data points themselves, but to remember the relationships between data points.  In terms of volume, it is far more efficient to remember a relationship called "society" than to remember each participant of "society".  By recalling the relationship, I can then reconstruct the data points. I don't actually remember details very well, but if I can recall a single relationship, I am able to reconstruct the entire system of data on-the-fly.

Once I find the relationship, I then find patterns and bind that relationship to another, over and over again, until I can merge it completely into my self-narrative.   The idea is that whenever I recall the concept of myself (the default state of anyone) I can simultaneously recall almost every data relationship I've ever encountered throughout my life.  I've effectively created a Pavlovian response to one of our most important mental capabilities.  This process has allowed me to absorb, recall, and utilize a vast array of data and has, in turn, altered my behavior in unexpected ways.

By now, some of you may be lost, so I'll get right to my point: The culmination of these patterns, data sets, and experiences has resulted in a theory.  This theory is very, very complicated because it involves almost every relationship I can recall.  Due to this complexity, I am currently unable to communicate the contents of this theory memetically.  For example, if I was to summarize this theory into a single Twitter update, it would be the following:

You are all fucked.

Of course, this has the emotional appeal of having your eyeball laced with paper cuts (I saw you cringe when you read that!) which reinforces my lack of memetic appeal.  I've since settled for a policy of incrementalism to propagate this theory more cohesively. (This blog)  The previous posts are axioms to prepare a specific kind of person for my theory.  The axioms are as followed:

• Stop trusting the news (Information denial)
• Stop trusting photography (Emotional denial)
• You are not an asset, you are a liability (Fate denial)
• You're a sucker until you aren't (Violence denial)
• There is no class warfare (Utopia denial)

These axioms are carefully crafted for the specific intent of diffusing the plethora of factory-stamped excuses people will reflexively rattle off when they are exposed to my theory.  I have accepted that I cannot alter the trajectory of your self-narrative towards the direction it is running from.  (That technique is owned, wholly, by the sociopaths in charge of things)  I can, however, deny that self-narrative the opportunity to go on auto-pilot by overloading its triggers.

In short, I am aiming to disable your bomb by using a bigger bomb.  It's not graceful and there's going to be a lot of collateral damage.  But once you are disabled, my theory can be absorbed.

Once you are ready, adept, continue your studies to the next post.

There is no class warfare

The communists, like any collection of sociopathic rulers you froth over, used to have a list of heroes they plucked from history to suit their ideological agendas.  Some very interesting people made it onto the list.  One of them was Vlad the Impaler because of his superior negotiations techniques that frequently involved stuffing pikes into the heads of feudal aristocrats of Romania known as the boyar.

Of course, you probably shun such barbarism in favor of peace, love, bunnies, fluffy clouds made of sugar sprinkles, and other symbolic gestures to soothe your gentle, domesticated, and advanced sensibilities.  (Maybe a pike is too heavy for you.)  Fortunately, for those who hate the powerful but want to be cool about it (but not too cool [but cool enough so that at the high school dance, the girl will notice you but not get uncool enough about to be too cool]) there are a variety of less intense, always changing, always ineffectual anti-aristocracy icons you can use to channel your class envy.

Hardcore class warrior ready to
redistribute the shit out of your wealth

Notice I said channel your class envy, not wage class warfare.  I said that because there is no such thing as class warfare.  Warfare implies a contest of two or more actors that are struggling to achieve influence over one another.  By the simple fact that the powerful don't have to struggle to have influence over you means there is no contest going on. If the elite concocted a story about invading Botswana to rescue endangered penis mites, you'd sign right the fuck up.  Most of you were ready to clamor for a global draft when a non-existant gay blogger from Syria was non-captured.

Given that most of you were raised with an unending hail of shiny stickers for every fuck awful thing you concocted with your crayon box, it is of no surprise you'd have absolutely zero idea of what an actual conflict of influence looks like.  As far as you'd ever know, doing exactly what the elite say you should do just might be class warfare.  How in the Nine Ten Hell's would you know any different?

Assuming such a sad state of affairs, I offer the following advice: If I am in a position of power and I ask you to give me, not only all of your money, but all of your kid's and grand kid's money and you nod in agreement and give it to me without so much as asking a single question... that's not called warfare.  That's called rape.  Getting raped isn't a noble act of defiance. (Your emoaganda works overtime to tell you otherwise)

Now, I know you've been conditioned to accept the idea that if you play victim long enough, someone will come to your aid.  This, also, is not what warfare looks like.  That is what stupidity looks like.  If everyone is the victim and expects someone to come along to save them, then whose left to play guitar hero?

Finally, if we are dealing with a population that is too stupid to figure out the fundamental difference between waging warfare for your own defense and getting raped for the next few generations, why not join in on the pilfering and get a piece of action yourself?  At this point in time and for the foreseeable future, it is more profitable to rob you blind than to enlighten you.

There is no class warfare.  There will never be class warfare ever again.  As a collective, you are simply too stupid, too uncoordinated, and too fragmented to mount even a symbolic resistance.  I leave you with this prescient tidbit that has yet to be proven wrong:

"There will be no curiosity, no enjoyment of the process of life. All competing pleasures will be destroyed. But always — do not forget this, Winston — always there will be the intoxication of power, constantly increasing and constantly growing subtler. Always, at every moment, there will be the thrill of victory, the sensation of trampling on an enemy who is helpless. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face — forever."

George Orwell, 1984

You're a sucker until you aren't

Somewhere between the day you barreled out of your mother's overused girly parts and the time a non-related person gave a shit about your existence, you were probably told that you were important over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over again.  Anyone who told you otherwise was an insensitive, judgmental, and biased racist.

You never bothered asking why you were told these things.  You just accepted them because they made you feel good.  You got used to the concept of feeling good and you would do whatever it took to continue feeling good because, after all, you are special, so you want to feel special because, after all, you are special, and you want to feel special because... etc.

As it turns out, in this world, everything is monetized.  If you want to feel good, you have to pay someone.  And if you don't have the money?  No problem!  Cash in with your future labor!  Buy shit now and pay for it later!  After all, you're special, and you deserve it now!

Your idea of fiscal soundness

We tried to tell you it was a sham, over and over and over again.  You just called us conspiracy theorists.  Now, in 2011, there is a good chance a few of you have been displaced from your homes, lost a long-term job, are being hounded by collectors, and are nearing the end of social safety net services.  It's getting gradually more grim and only going to get worse.  How long will you play the shell game and how many more people will you involve until it all falls down?

Like you even care.  You don't.  You're special, first and foremost, and preserving that self-image is the most important concept to preserve.
The political narrative is already crafting itself to adjust to your vision:
Greed is the problem!

No, greed is an impulse.  Feeling greedy means you act on that greed.  Acting on that greed doesn't guaranteed the greed is satisfied.  Just because a bunch of powerful bankers who are not allowed to be named were the architects of a predatory lending bubble designed to rob you blind doesn't mean it's going to work.

It takes suckers.  Lots of suckers.  Lots and lots and lots of suckers.  An entire continent full of suckers.  Several continents full of suckers.

I don't blame the greedy for 2008.  The greedy are predictable.  You know they are going to try to rob you.  I blame everyone who thought otherwise.  I leave you with these words that were spoken ninety-one years ago:

"The first wave of attack is to corrupt Collective Opinion. Now, to "corrupt" in the real sense does not mean anything unsavory or unclean. The whole power of every heresy is its attractiveness to the good mind. The whole explanation of the strong hold which untruth has gained upon the world of our day, is that the untruth is reasonable, inspiring and apparently good. It is only after a long discipline in false ideals — which are reasonable, inspiring and good — that the evil fruits appear in acts and conditions which are unreasonable, destructive and wholly evil. If you will trace the idea of Liberty as it has appeared in Russian history, from its philosophic beginning (a Jewish beginning, by the way) to its present ending (a Jewish ending also), you will see the process." ~Henry Ford, 1920

Can you break your conditioning long enough to examine the history of finance for exactly as it occurred or are you still scared of the lash?

You are not an asset, you are a liability

I'm sure over the course of your life you've been told great things about yourself by positive role models and worked very hard to shape your self-image into something on par with Mother Teresa and Mahatma Ghandi tag teaming global starvation, one gooey love letter at a time.  I'm sure you've also spent your life shrugging off the idea that you are nothing more than a replaceable consumer with limited trade skills that no one really wants but tolerates due to complex incentives.  (This chart proves you are a liability, but you don't care.)

Fine.  I see we are getting no where and your filter bubble is tremendously sturdy.  Let's see how your world view affects your understanding of how "assets" like you are being treated:

• Russia love-tackles protesters and injects them with high-paying jobs.
• Syria's legendary "Tactical Cuddle Squad" hard at work providing cupcakes for angry, cupcakeless mobs.
• Iraqis are finally embracing complex postmodern expressionism of the 1960s and are voting with their bodies.
• Occupy Wall Street is making tremendous strides in achieving a permanent state of perpetual orgy.
• Greece is performing interpretive baby penguin tickling to symbolize their efforts in combating global warming global cooling anthrogenic climate change climate change.

Those precious, individual, unique, snowflake assets sure are getting treated like liabilities.  Want to guess why?  It may be because THEY ARE LIABILITIES.  The powerful don't need you anymore.  You've already given them everything and, to pay you back, they are setting up shop across the planet with the specific intention of abandoning you for fun and profit.

I love watching filter bubbles crumble.

Stop trusting photography

While browsing through erotic content of unorganized demographics that Democrats of the future will turn into a loud but emotionally convincing minority, (Click on this and you'll instantly be in an FBI database.  You've been warned!) I came across this sterling example of professional journalism which tries to finally answer the most gripping questions of our time.

This got me to thinking: Instead of educating these dumb fucks about the reality of manipulating appearances, why don't I just play along and make money off of their incredibly easy-to-hijack morality?

Donate $5.00 to the Keep Our Presidents Young Fund today.  For every dollar the fund receives, I'm less likely to do anything radical that will stress our leaders, thus, keeping them young looking.  Let's put the "cute" back into the Executive Branch!

Stop trusting the news

You're probably stupid.  Fortunately, that condition is curable.  Sadly, that cure requires discipline, and if you haven't cured it yet, this means you're lazy, which means you are useless, which means I hope you get front row seats to the greatest show on earth.

Yeah, I linked Russia Times as a news source.  The fuck you gonna do about it?  Leave?  Why?  Even Empress Clinton agrees that the corrupted information elemental you call news is a thousand cock sandwich served with a side of semi-cognizant medical waste.

Yeah, I linked Huffington Post as a news source, and I personally agree that the site is comprised entirely of upper middle class Leftist elitists who have spent their entire lives trying to resurrect the 1960s.  (Thank Dog we have AIDS to stop that dead in its tracks!)

Yeah, I linked Fox News as a news source, and I personally agree that it is a Neocon outlet that has hijacked the religious folk of America to manufacture their consensus to coinside with the agendas of internationalist corporations.  (And that corporate greed is powered by your insatiable gut, fatty!)

You mad, bro?  Not getting that precious, trusted information source that you pissed away hours searching for to validate that little filter bubble (Yeah, I put a link on filter bubble [Yeah, I put another link on filter bubble just to make sure your lazy ass doesn't miss it] because I'm assuming you have too many chromosomes to know what the fuck I'm talking about) you call personal preference and consumer rights?  Tough titties, peon.  Go sick a duck.

You don't control the news.  You don't have a choice in what you are fed.  You don't even do anything that's news worthy.  Fuck you.

Rules

Here's a list of things you should be aware of before getting balls deep in this.

1. As long as you don't expect perfect grammar or spelling from me, I won't expect compliance or understanding from you.  I write like I speak.  You do, too.
2. You may think what you like is controversial, hip, edgy, and cool.  For example, you may think that throwing chairs at nuns while lighting blind black babies on fire is edgy.  I call that Tuesday.  The shit that comes out of my mouth will not be so much vulgar as it is visceral.  I'm very good at creating scarring mental imagery from words alone.
3. This is a poorly-disguised political blog designed to hijack your emotions.  Don't ever expect anything more than that.
4. If you are addicted to pundits, talking points, sound bytes, or generally reprogramming your world view in accordance to whatever the latest news has covered, please comment often.  I will troll you to death.
5. Do not think that the "anonymity" of the Internet protects you.  I'm the king asshole around here and I will go to great lengths to defend that title.
6. I openly mock morality - all of it. Marxist-fueled vagina fests that douche with equality propaganda get shat on frequently.  Religious idolaters who care more about their holy symbols than what those symbols represent get crucified on the spot.  Nihilists will be abused until they fully commit to their beliefs and remove themselves physically.  Your coda is garbage and no one (especially me) gives a squirt of Jew urine about it.
7. Sockpuppets (and their family, taxes, debt, and assets) will be traced and brought to the public domain out of spite.
8. If you are younger than twenty-five years old, either shut the fuck up or ask intelligent questions.  That emotional sputtering you call a comment will be turned into a meme and shared with 4chan.
9. You are useless to everyone except your loved ones.  And if you fail at even that, oh man, make sure I never find out because turning your personal failings into my amusement is my only God-given talent.
10. Trying to hide behind altruism only makes me draw you out even more.  You're self-interested like the rest of us, you're just too weak to admit it.

Now, continue your training by reading the next entry.